How do you say – “Honey, you stink!”

I HAD a rendezvous for sundowners with an old friend after work some time ago.

On that particular Thursday, I’d been busy all day and really hadn’t had the chance to sit down and catch my breath let alone freshen up.I only wear make-up on special occasions and the rest of the time just make sure my eyebrows are on fleek and my lips are well moisturised so I didn’t need to powder my face. It was my deodorant I was hoping wouldn’t let me down. The clock hit 6PM so I left work and went straight to where we were meeting. Of course I sniffed my armpits a couple of times – for control purposes. But I honestly wasn’t sure they smelled fresh enough. Naturally, you start worrying if the next person can smell what you smell. I was a little late – time keeping is not one of my strengths – so I found my friend waiting for me. As I was walking towards the spot she was perched at, she stood up to greet me with a hug. 

As she did, her first remark was, “What fragrance are you wearing, you smell really good.” I was beyond shocked. I couldn’t believe it – the plan going to the rendezvous was to make sure I kept to myself and ensured my underarm odour didn’t diffuse too much by keeping my arms at ease at all times. At that moment, I opened up and told her how I was actually worried my armpits were losing it a little bit. She could relate and said, “Relax girl, you’re preaching to the choir – you smell great!” I was relieved. Nothing sucks like someone realising you stink and they can’t even tell you. I mean, how do you look someone in the face and say, “Honey, you stink!” It’s a difficult thing to do but sometimes useful, for them and for yourself. 

Imagine you’ve got your weekend swag on and are headed to a hot date with your better half. He comes to pick you up and leans over for a hug but when he does – all hell breaks loose! That would be such an anti-climax for me – that Ralph Lauren shirt over residual sweat. How about some Hugo Boss or Givenchy? Too expensive? Okay, how about Avon, Axe or just plain old Nivea roll-on. Maybe the other person doesn’t even realise they don’t smell too good – what do you say to them? Do you say, “Honey, your armpits don’t smell so nice” or do you buy them toiletries as a gift. Of course it’s so much easier if it’s their mouth that smells, you simply offer them peppermint sweets or gum and hope they don’t decline. By the way, it’s a two way street. Maybe it’s your woman whose personal hygiene is questionable. She slays but you feel uncomfortable going anyway with her because of her bad odour or smudged lipstick and scruffily applied foundation. There’s no easy way of telling someone to pull up their socks but I’d say focus on the end game. Appreciate constructive criticism, especially when someone is coming from a place of love. If they buy you toiletries as a gift, accept them with no questions asked and most importantly make good use of them.   

It goes without saying – you can’t look fresh and not smell equally good. Having your wardrobe game on fleek just isn’t enough; you’ve got to be clean, look clean and smell clean. You probably think I’m crazy but on a real, how many people have you come across who look good but their image is tainted as soon as you smell their breath or armpits? I know we all think we’re clean and have our personal hygiene in check but you can never been too sure. You need to check yourself and don’t leave the next person with the dilemma of how to tell you that you don’t smell too good.

When you decide to join the #BeardFaceGang…

NOTHING says macho like a man with a beard.  I’m not talking about a couple of hairs sparsely distributed on different parts of the face. That’s a major turn off. I see a lot of men struggling in that area. They’ll grow one or two hairs on their chins and call that a beard. Well, technically it could be but give us all a break and trim off those little hairs – embrace your clean face.  I don’t mean the Madzibaba kind of beard either, there’s nothing stylish about that one, no offence. It just grows haphazardly and too long, in my opinion. I’m talking full blown – covering the cheeks and chin. I’m talking dense, dark facial hair meticulously trimmed and combed. Of course you’re not any less of a man because your beard doesn’t grow thick – there’s nothing you could’ve done about it even if you tried – its genetics.

But let me talk about the #BeardFaceGang for a minute. They’re quite the trending lot right now. I think its one hot and timeless look, if, of course, it’s done well. This look says I’m confident and I know what I’m about. It says I’m conscious about my style and will put in some extra work to keep myself looking hot. The beard could go well with a brush cut but I love it all the more with a bald head. You’re one hell of a confident man if you can rock a bald head! And of course, your head has quite the good shape. The beauty of this look is you can move from formal to smart casual and downright casual looking effortlessly chic.

Because it’s an elaborate look, you’ll court a lot of attention from people, especially the ladies. I particularly like that by keeping your beard, you avoid a lot of skin problems associated with shaving off hair of that magnitude. If you don’t offend your skin ever so often with shaving, you can avoid a lot of problems associated with ingrown hairs and pimples that arise as a result of shaving. When you decide to join the #BeardFaceGang, please make sure your hygiene levels move along with the times. Also take into consideration how you’ll keep the beard looking sleeker than sleek.

If you’re going to trim your beard yourself, you’ll need the right tools. You will have to decide whether to trim using scissors or a beard trimmer. If you decide to trim primarily with scissors, consider purchasing a pair of professional barber’s scissors. When considering beard trimmers, a rechargeable cordless model might be a good choice. You should also have a good wide-toothed comb. Optionally, for the mustache, you might want to have a fine-toothed comb. A good-sized wall mirror is usually indispensable. You might also benefit from a magnifying mirror and possibly a three-way mirror.

Do not trim a wet beard or mustache. Wet hair is longer. When it dries you may find you’ve trimmed too much. After you’ve trimmed your beard and mustache, then you should maintain the shape of your beard. Just like your hair, wash and shampoo your beard regularly. A mild shampoo is easier on your skin. After shampooing, you may use a conditioner. Be sure to rinse thoroughly. Failure to rinse sufficiently may result in flaking. Because beard hairs are so coarse, conditioners will have less effect on the beard than on the hair on your head. But a conditioner will still help make your beard feel softer. Gently pat and wipe your beard dry with a towel. Blow drying is not really necessary and can be harsh on your skin. Comb your beard and mustache with a wide-toothed comb to remove tangles. Optionally, you can finish up by using a brush.

Anything wrong with a man purse?

BACK in the day, owning a briefcase was quite a thing. It was somewhat a symbol of affluence. Rich men carried these around and the not so rich would pose for pictures while carrying them. In movies, when you see a briefcase, it’s highly likely stacked with bricks of $100 dollar bills. Someone is about to be paid a ransom, it’s a drug deal about to be closed or someone is being bribed. But nowadays, you hardly ever see a man carrying a briefcase or any bag for that matter. The sling bag once became popular but like any other fashion trend, it quickly fizzled out – men hardly carry those anymore. No man I know except for Zimbabwe Style Icon Craig Zoowie owns and knows how to use a good man bag. Today, if you see a man carrying a bag and they’re not travelling, chances are high there’s a laptop in it. 

But why are man bags not a thing anymore? Could it be because African men, Zimbabwean men to be specific, are not quite the metrosexual bunch? Now it’s got me thinking I need to find myself a classier group of male friends, neither of them are THAT sophisticated. I’m just kidding but I wish they knew not only how stylish and practical owning one could be. Some of them don’t even own wallets; they just stuff their money straight into their pockets and randomly pick bills from there whenever the need arises. Those who do own wallets have them so stuffed they leave a bulge in the pocket. That can be rather distracting, seeing that big bulge on the thigh area. I don’t understand how one would rather walk around with their wallet and car keys in their hands when they can be placed in some bag. They even go around asking for some lip stuff whenever their lips get dry yet if they owned some chic bag – lip balm and whatever else they need could go in there. Maybe I’m ranting and you think I’m crazy to think you need a bag. But think about all those things you’ve had to leave at home because you couldn’t walk around town carrying them in your hands. If you owned a bag, those headphones you love so much could be easily slid in there. You may not need a man bag every other day but think about the times when you’re travelling. 

Surely, you can’t have your hand luggage all jumbled up your hands can’t handle the excess. You could simply slide in the bag your newspaper, book, passport, iPad or any other gadget you might need during the journey. Carrying a satchel is so 1990s; it won’t work especially if you’re pulling off some sleek outfit. Imagine wearing those Steve Madden kicks and a blazer then strap on a satchel to your back. No man, you can do better than that! 

 
With a man bag, you’ll be glad to have that extra charging cable stowed when your phone’s battery life is less than 10 percent. You can even afford to move around with your battery pack. We all know how important it is to keep your battery alive when you’re on the go. Chapped lips could be a problem for you, keep a tube of lip balm within reach for instant moisture relief. Tissues are just plain convenient to have on you – never more so than when you feel a sneeze coming on. While you’re at it, it can’t hurt to have a package or two of peppermint sweets or gum. Trust me; she won’t want to kiss you with that smelly breath of yours!

“Never trust a man with bad shoes”

Photo Credit: House of Gentlemen

I KNEW a guy once – he was almost always in a pair of flip flops and it drove me nuts!

I don’t know if I had tolerated them better had his feet been kept clean and his toe nails cut. It seemed this was the only kind of footwear he knew. He wore them with a checkered pair of shorts and a soccer jersey or a pair of jeans and a checkered shirt. The flip flops went almost everywhere possible – dare I say he could’ve even worn them with a suit! I asked him once – what the fixation on flip flops was all about – and all he could say was “I’m a simple guy”. And indeed he was a simple guy. Simply boring if you ask me! I guess the flip flops said pretty much everything about his personality – I’m a simple guy who won’t put any effort into looking good which translates to “I don’t care much”. An aunt had always jokingly said, when a man approaches you, always remember to check his belt and shoes. He may not be rich let alone have much to go by, but a man who cares will always make an effort to get a good pair of shoes and a decent belt – even if it’s the only pair he owns. He’ll always make an effort to give you the best of what he can afford. Believe it or not, shoes say a lot about a man’s personality. I should’ve known never to trust this one and his flip flops! Men, I know you don’t think about fashion nearly as much as women do, but when it comes to your footwear choices, you might want to give it a second thought. Women can tell a lot about you by the shoes you wear. Even if our thoughts aren’t completely accurate depictions of who you are, this is how we’re sizing you up. The eyes might be the window to the soul, but shoes are the window to just about everything else. So you might want to take some notes. 

What you choose to put on your feet actually does reflect something about you, whether it be laziness (socks with slip-on sandals), obliviousness (untied sneakers) or keen style savvy (those trendy suede desert boots we love so much). If you’re sporting a fresh tanned pair of Timberlands, chances are you’re pretty ghetto – but in a cool, gangster rap kind of way. To pull off a pair of Timberlands, you’re going to need big feet, so you’re probably a big guy. Timberlands are classic – just like you, an OG who was listening to Biggie before he was Biggie. The man who wears boat shoes likes looking put together which means he probably takes as much time picking out an outfit as we do; ultimately, he cares quite a lot about how he looks and will care about how his woman looks. I’m an absolute fan of the Converse; I think they’re quite cool. A man who wears these is relaxed – an average guy who we’ll probably end up marrying. We like these shoes and we like you. Like a great pair of Converse, you are understated, complimentary and effortlessly fit in on any occasion. You can go to a backyard party or a red carpet event – either way you’ll enjoy yourself. There’s no reason to ever wear sandals and socks – choose one. All this tells us is that you were too lazy to take your socks off before putting your sandals on, which makes us think twice about your judgment. Maybe you’re an athletic guy who’s probably running from one practice to another, but that doesn’t change the fact you’re still wearing socks and sandals. The only person who could even remotely pull this off is Cristiano Ronaldo. Are you him? No, so take off your damn socks and make sure your toe nails don’t resemble the claws of a cat! When we eventually break up, we’ll be asking ourselves why the relationship with the flip flop guy lasted so long. If you’re wearing fancy dress shoes, it implies that you’re donning an expensive suit. And, there is nothing a woman loves more than a man in a suit, especially a luxury one. Cha Ching! No woman can ever say no to a man with a couple of dollars in the bank.