Of vests, socks and petticoats

I HAD such a difficult time getting ready for work the other day all because I wanted to wear a burgundy leather jacket. First, I paired it with a white pair of slit denims, white top and white Converse All Stars.

But something about the combination wasn’t right so I swapped the white top for a black one and it still wasn’t happening. I decided to swap the chucks for a pair of nude lace-ups but it only got worse. The frustration was slowly creeping in and I thought to lose the burgundy leather jacket for a Liverpool Football Club away jersey inscribed “Ma’Zebra” on the back, it wasn’t that cold after all, I thought to myself.

But I looked like I was going for a sports day somewhere, it just wouldn’t work! Perhaps the white pants were the problem, I thought. So I stripped down and ended up settling for dark blue denims, a patterned blouse under a denim jacket and blush pink heels.

My biggest problem on this particular morning was trying to incorporate something warm into the outfit without losing my swag. Because it’s not freezing cold yet, I couldn’t automatically wear a coat, scarf and boots – I needed to be in pieces that could be separated in the event that it got warmer during the course of the day. With winter slowly approaching, it’s what goes underneath the jackets, shirts and jerseys that has started to give me chest pains.

I know I’m not the only one.

Just don’t be the person who’ll wear a male circumcision T-shirt under a white shirt. I get that temperatures are dropping but that’s just clumsy. I see it all the time. Someone will wear a heavily branded T-shirt in a bright colour underneath a white, pink or light blue shirt, that’s not cool. Instead, invest in plain white vests that’ll keep you warm and won’t make you look clumsy.

Make sure whatever you layer your clothes with is not peeping at the collar, that’s equally distracting. Your undergarments should remain there, underneath.

What’s with ladies and wearing cotton stockings with pumps? Seriously though, that’s plain unacceptable! 

If you think it’s too cold to go without socks and it’s not cold enough for boots, wear secret socks instead. They’ll do the job equally well; as long as your feet are covered up right? If the secret socks are going to be peeping through your flats then don’t wear them either, it’ll still look scruffy. And if you’re going to wear pantyhose, at least make sure they’re in the right shade and they’re no “ladders” in them. The easiest shades to work with across a variety of complexions and different kinds of clothes are black and barely black with a low decitex of at least 14. 

Don’t go picking Mexican silver or chocolate – that’ll make you look like an old maid.

I often see ladies wearing torn pantyhose or trying to stop the threads from running further with nail polish. You know exactly what I’m talking about, please don’t do that. If they’re torn where people can see, let the pair go. Petticoats don’t keep you warm; they make you look scruffy once they’re peeping from underneath your skirt. I shudder to think there’re women still wearing these out there!

If you’re a “tights underneath your clothes” woman, make sure they’re seamless – the visible seam lines are so distracting. Also make sure the tights don’t show through your skirt slit at the back. Whatever you do, make sure we don’t see your undergarments and layers this winter – keep them private please!